On to this month

So AF came as we left for a roadtrip last Thursday. YeeHaw! Actually the timing sucked, but I'm ready for the new month. So today is CD 5. I'll start the clomid tonight and peeing on sticks on a few days. The road trip and weekend with family was very stressful and emotionally draining, but that is all I will say about that. Fingers crossed!

Blah

So I took off the month of August from tracking/pill taking and of course now my cycle is running long. Currently on CD 34. No, I am not pregnant. I've taken two tests. I'll keep testing until CD 40, then I'm taking something to start AF. It's all very frustrating. I will take clomid again with the new cycle and do the digital OPK. I saw this quote on pinterest today: Do not spoil what you have by desiring that you have not; but remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for. It's all about appreiation. Apreciate what I do have: a wonderful daughter and loving husband and a life I have always wanted being a SAHM. Still hope for what I long for: a little baby in my arms to complete our little family. I don't know how the heck I made it 6 years still hoping and knowing I would be a mom someday.

Names

Since I AM hopeful every month I think about names. I want to honor my grandparents if we are able to have another child. My grandmas' names were Erma and Sarah. My grandpas, Robert and Joseph. I was thinking of taking combining be grandmother's names into Ersa--it is a real name: In Greek mythology, Ersa is the goddess of dew and the daughter of Zeus and the Moon (Selene), sister of Pandia and half-sister to Endymion's 50 daughters. I like that it is a greek name. It would be a middle name. But I'm having trouble finding a first name that flows well. I think if we had a boy, he would just have two middle names, Robert Joseph/Joseph Robert.

It gets old

The whole TTC thing. I honestly don't know how I hung in there for 6 years the first time. So we are 15 months now. Did clomid last month, made me WAY emotional. I was hopeful, but no BFP. Did clomid again this month--it made me realy irritable like I wanted to hide in a hole away from everyone. I have been using the digital CBE ovulation monitor. This month was weird. I started feeling really bloated on CD 14 & 15 was the monitor was still reading low fertility. Then BAM, ovulation on CD 16 and 17. I did not get a single high fertility day leading up to the ovulation days. Strange. I could see on the stick, no line one day, equal line the very next. So I don't think it was the test really. Anyway, I think we got in sufficient baby dancing. We will see what happens. If I get a BFN after this cycle I think I will take a month off of the clomid and then try again in September. If I am not pregnant by the end of this year I think i will go back to Dr. Gelety as see about IUI's and having monitored cycles. :-(

May

I skipped clomid this month because the timing of it would have had ovulation liely during Daphne's birthday party weekend with lots of family staying at my house. But I did to the digital ovulation monitor. Got my peak days yesterday and today. Yeah. So we will see what happens. I have a follow up with the family doctor this evening regarding the taking of clomid. I shluld have had three rounds by now, but I've only done one. Oh well. Daphne's birthday party was a success. We had 15 people, just close friends and family. I got a groupon for catering and used that. It was one of the easiest parties I've ever done. Daphne had a blast being the center of attention. She loved playing in her kiddie pool with her cousins, opening her presents and being sung to. Everyone singing to her I think was a highlight for her--she watches the little video of it over and over on my phone.

14 years :-)

We celebrated 14 years of marriage on May 2nd. This weekend we are taking a mini vacation up to the Arizona Grand Resort. It has a little water park which Daphne will love. We are sooooooo looking forward to it. We are getting massages at the spa and I am getting a paraffin pedicure. I cannot wait. It does not even seem like 14 years. All good things seem to go by in the blink of an eye.

Not hopeful this cycle

I took the clomid. Which made me crazy. I used the digital OPK. We had sex the day before my two peak day. Then Justin hurt his back, so no sex on the peak days (CDs 19 & 20). Frustrating. I think I may take this month off and do clomid again in June. By the way I poas on CD 29 and it was a BFN. I'll poas again in a few days.

Geeze!

A 61 day cycle and finally I got my period. I think I took 5 pregnancy tests. Of course all negative. I did not take anything to get it started although my doctor gave me a progesterone prescription. Of course I was out of town and sick when AF decided to show.

Anyway, today is cycle day 8. I started clomid on cycle day 5 and I started using the digital OPK. Peed on the first stick today although it told me to do it yesterday.

I only took clomid once before and I really do not remember to ramifications of it, but boy is it kicking my butt this time. So emotional. I am crying at everything, over reacting. I'm just a silly mess. Only one more pill tomorrow. Sunday I get some acupuncture--perfect timing to help an egg release. ;-)

so we will wait and see what the rest of the month brings.

By the way, I think they need to give you a little more information on those digital OPK's. Only after opening the box, does it tell you it is not as reliable if you have PCOS or if you are taking clomid. Oh well. I'm using it anyway.

In Limbo

So today is cycle day 40! Thus far I have taking three pregnancy tests--all negative. Figuring we did not catch the egg this month I bought a digital ovulation predictor and the test strips. I also filled the prescription for clomid(4 months worth--not sure why I did not just get one month at a time) and metformin and have been taking the metformin.

I went for acupuncture on Sunday and my pulses were a little odd. She said my liver pulse was slippery which indicates pregnancy or hepititis. She also said there was no sign of impending menstration. So maybe I ovulated late. I'll test again at the end of the week and see what we see. Right now I'm going to order to cheap pregnancy tests.

In need of a break

So my mom was here two weekends ago for a couple days. The following weekend, Justin's parents were here and stayed with us. And then Justin came down with a nasty sickness and has been home from work for three days. Gah! I need some space. Some quite. Some me time. That is why right now I am on the computer and Justin is in bed. Ahhhh quite.

Moving Forward

So I had my annual exam last week with a new primary care doctor. She is part of the same practice. I saw her when I thought I might me developing mastitis and really liked her so I switched doctors. Anyway, as great as a pap smear can be, it was a great visit. She sent me home with a prescription for metformin and for clomid(4 months worth). And she was the one to suggest it. I am so glad I do not have to go to Dr. Gelety. Not that I don't love him. It's just that going to him requires a ton for monitoring and with a toddler, I just don't have the time. If clomid for 4months does not work, then I will see him. For now I am happy with this.

Nothing New

Just cleared my fertile period for this month. Finger crossed that sperm met egg and may be settling in. Having my yearly exam this evening. I'll ask for clomid. If my PCP cannot provide it, I'll be giving Dr. Gelety a call in the morning.

The former Journey

If you are interested:
http://worldophillips.blogspot.com/

Those same old feelings . . .

Feelings of
sadness every time my period starts.
jealousy every time a friend tells me she's pregnant.
inadequacy and frustration over how my female systems work, or don't work.
longing to hold my own little baby.
urgency because I am not getting any younger and I have an age cut off in my mind.

and more that I cannot think of at the moment.

Also trying to remember all the tips and tricks that I used to use/try
Geritol complete
Pre seed
baby aspirin
evening primrose oil
low/slow carb diet
what else?
exercise--I really need to figure this one out.

Make a wish

I wish for another baby. I want a brother or sister for Daphne, another grand baby for my mom, another chance to give birth, another chance to hold a precious bundle in my arms, another chance to breastfeed. I want all of that.

We have been sort of trying for the last 7 months or so, just tracking my cycles. They have become very regular so that is good news. But I only have one fallopian tube, plus PCOS and endometriosis. So there is the challenge and shy I want to take clomid. I need both ovaries firing every month to increase my chances. But clomid is all I want to do. No more IUI's or IVF. I don't need it and we cannot afford it!

So I am seeing my GP in a couple weeks for my annual exam. If she won't prescribe it, I will head back to Dr. Gelety and get it from him.